Wednesday, June 18, 2014

My Kids Suck! Trampoline Craigslist Post from Angry Dad

Kids are notorious for doing and saying everything and anything to get what they want because they are soulless creatures who use a lack of maturity as an excuse for immorality. I personally don't remember how good or bad I was with this particular type of thing. My family was not a wealthy family so we didn't get everything we wanted, but we did get a few of the things that we wanted the most. I do know that I did get a millenium falcon, an atari and a colecovision. I also got an expensive Dyno Bike at about $500 that was later stolen because I lived on the 5th floor, the elevator in my building was down so when my friend wanted me to grab some tools to help him fix his bike I was reluctant to go upstairs and more reluctant to carry my bike up the stairs. "Don't let anyone ride it while I go upstairs and get the tools" I told him. When I came down my bike was gone, a girl had taken it for a joy ride around the block and a thug made her get off and stole my Dyno. When I walked around the block I found the girl talking to a police man. Luckily my mom paid for it with American Express so it was insured and we were able to procure another one, but it was an unnecessary evil.

In any case I do understand what it's like to have a manipulative kid trying to call all the shots because I have a 3 yr old niece that cries for everything she wants from watching a TV show to getting Ice Cream. The thing is she has a very strong vocabulary, even was able to create full sentences at age 1, she understands a lot so she definitely is using it as a manipulation factor, because she actually can voice what she wants without crying.

One father in the suburbs west of Boston discovered this firsthand after his children begged him to purchase a trampoline for their backyard because they were apparently dissatisfied with the number of bones and ligaments in their body that they hadn’t been able to destroy.

 After succumbing to their will, the father saw his worst fear realized as the trampoline began to sit unused in the corner of the yard for two straight years. In an effort to sell the underutilized plaything occupying a major tract of land, the dad took to Craigslist and posted an ad titled “My Kids Suck.” I’ve summarized most of the reasons above, but you really don’t get the full impact until you've heard him explain the situation in his own words:

 They begged. Pleaded. Told me how they’d use it EVERY day. How our house would become THE place to hang out. We had a hot tub. And a basketball court. And a fire pit. And a hammock. But if we had THIS, well, we’d be rock stars. Plus since I “messed up their lives” by moving them here in middle school, I owed them at least this much. God, dad. So I caved. And I bought it. And I built it. And that first night they jumped. Then I watched from my window as the summer turned to fall and the fall turned to winter and the flurries came down and the snowmen went up and the rain came down and the flowers came up and spring turned to summer and I watched even still from the window, waiting, just waiting, for someone, anyone, to use that damn trampoline even once more. Oh please, please, just once. My kids suck. So after two years of sitting in my window staring out like a creepy old neighbor, I am selling it to make room for gardenias or tomato plants or a stockade jail to house three grumpy teenagers.

Personally I would have used this every few days to try and learn flips and aerials because that is the kind of kid I was, adventurous with my bike, my skateboard and just about anything else. I loved Star Wars and Luke Skywalker did his training with Yoda learning flips and stuff so I'd probably have used it to a similar capacity as a fun training tool. The guy is probably lucky they didn't use it that often, because my worst fear would be that the trampoline would result in multiple injuries.

In any case I'm sure these guy would have used it :) LOL